Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
