ya dads aren't the best wingmen
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
