There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
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