He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
