...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
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Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
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I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
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