I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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