hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
