I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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