i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
