he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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