Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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