so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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