My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
You left your underwear on the fireplace
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
