HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
