He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
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I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
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note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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