Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
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