I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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