check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
