There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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