If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
