I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
