He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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