both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize