he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
two words...techno handjob
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
