you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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