I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
