Welp...herpes.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
