Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
These tits shall not be calmed
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
