dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
she told me i tasted like america
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
