happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
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Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
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I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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