I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
