i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Less talking, more tequila
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Randomize
