After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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