I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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