I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
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Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
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I have never encountered a chode in the wild
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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