It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
