tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
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