He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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