sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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