Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
