She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
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I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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