Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Randomize
