I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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