I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize
