Apparently you make a good broom.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
