I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
