Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
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Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
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What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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