I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize