he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
