Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Randomize
