So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
