3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
