my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Randomize
