How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
After last night, I could never be a politician.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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