do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
