return my video game
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
