it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
We had sex on a dog bed..
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
