I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
This is not my ceiling
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
