just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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