So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
