Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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